i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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