I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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