I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
