You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
