He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
