You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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