You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
