i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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