You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
