Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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