You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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