Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
