I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
