Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Also, beer. Big fan.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
