i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
That accounts for only three of the penises
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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