You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
