i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
