her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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