They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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