I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm jealous of your bromance
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
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I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
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