yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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