I'm jealous of your bromance
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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