i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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