Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Randomize
