once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
