Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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