bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
