Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
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If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?