saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.