I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.