Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis