the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.