when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I need to calm my uterus...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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