Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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