oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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