Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Randomize
