She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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