I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
