i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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