He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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