They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
