ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I need moral support for this bender
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
