apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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