If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
