i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
