My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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