So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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