what day is it and did you see me today?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
