you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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