I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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