he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
