hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
