Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
