I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
