screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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