Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
