I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
