??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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