I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
