so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
