We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize