Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
