the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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