Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
