hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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