His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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